..."Good Mom, Good Baby" (by Sarah)

There are 2 phrases that I'm about ready to eradicate from my vocabulary. They've actually been phrases that I've used frequently. But I'm ready to give them a kick out the door of the way I see things in this world.

"Good Mom" and "Good Baby" are the 2 phrases I'm talking about. I've found in this first year of being a new mom that these phrases come up SO OFTEN!

First let me tackle the 'good baby' phrase. I hear it allll the time: "Is she a good baby?" "She seems like such a good baby." "What a good baby." The reason I've come to not care for this particular phrase is that it conveys, through logic, that if there is a 'good baby,' then there's also a 'bad baby' out there somewhere. A baby that doesn't live up to the 'good baby' standard. It opens up a whole world of comparison and competition, of anxiety and performance. Of course I would always want my Ava girl to be labelled as a good baby, not a bad baby. I'd want it not only for her benefit, but also for my own benefit. I'd want her goodness to reflect on my goodness as a mom. It's terrible, but true, that her being called a 'good baby' so often for moms, either in their subconscious or in their heart of hearts, proves to the world that we're good enough as a mom.

So I'd find myself at various times throughout this first year of being a mom, struggling with and using this 'good baby' phrase to investigate my own worth. I'd wonder inside if Ava was a 'good baby,' and I'd measure her actions to determine if she was or wasn't. If she was, I was doing a good enough job. If she wasn't, there was something wrong with how I was parenting. If she sat quietly in her carseat without making a peep while we were at a meeting, or if she didn't give me a hard time in public, if she slept through the whole night, or if she didn't complain or scream when we were around friends, then I thought she was, sigh--thank God, a good baby. And I, by default, was a good enough mom. But if she had a meltdown or fussed alot while we were at someone's house, or needed more attention than the typical 'good baby,' I'd get all worried that she wasn't a good baby and I hadn't done a good enough job parenting her. I'd get confused about if it was her personality-just a 'hard baby', a 'spirited child,' a 'strong-willed girl,' or it was my fault because I was failing as a mom. In trying to vent my confusion, I'd sometimes jokingly call her a 'bad baby' when she wouldn't nap or eat the way I wanted her to.

One weekend, Caleb and I went away to a conference, and out of the blue, God convicted me about this area of my vocabulary. He let me know that He intentionally chose Ava to be our baby, to be in our family. He firmly, but gently told me that she is precious just the way she is. That when I even jokingly called her a 'bad baby,' that I, the one who was supposed to be her biggest fan, her biggest supporter, was placing a label on her that she might possibly carry her whole life. I realized that I want even the way I think about my daughter to infuse her with confidence in her value. And I never wanted her performance to carry so much weight, because mommy's mom-identity was wrapped up in it.

So now I try to incorporate into my mentality and, as a result, into my vocabulary, the idea that Ava is who she is. And who she is, is precious. The gift of her life was given to Caleb and me to shape us, and to delight us. She's exactly what we need. And so is every baby for their particular family. Yes, I definitely agree that some babies are more laid back than others. They seem to be naturally content, naturally compliant. Other babies seem easily upset, more defiant. But I'd like to erase from my mom's worldview that those that don't cry as much are 'good,' whereas those who can tent to be more of a handful are 'not good' as a logical result of there being the idea of a 'good baby.' And hopefully, with God healing me, and my attempts to eradicate the 'good baby' mentality, I'll more and more find out that Ava's temperament and actions will never determine my worth or my identity. It's set, in Christ, as a Purchased, Being-refined One.

I guess that's enough of a rant about vocabulary for now...I'll pick up with my comments on the intricacies of what the phrase 'good mom' connotates later on...

The final card choice

Kisses And Wishes Christmas 5x7 folded card

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Shutterfly

We have never sent out official Christmas cards before...we have just printed out a newsletter on our computer with some pictures and updates about what's been going on in our lives this past year. However, now that we have our newest member of the family, Ava Grace, we want to send out real Christmas cards. As I was considering whether I should go with Walmart, Target, PicturePeople, or other places where I could do Christmas cards with pictures, I came across Shutterfly's holiday cards. They are soooo cute this year-lots of fun designs! I think my favorite is the peppermint bliss...very Christmas-y and fun. Since I love all things Christmas, and since we're thinking about doing a silly family Christmas picture...this might be our choice. But we are definitely going with Shutterfly-so many fun options. So be on the lookout for ours in your mailbox:)
On a side note, I just finished making a photobook from Shutterfly of Ava's birth and first days in this world-it turned out reeeallly cute! I used the new design called 'fresh and fun'-it was really sweet for a little girl photobook. I would definitely recommend it!

...How Much We Have. (by caleb)

In 2003 I visited a ravine filled with years of Guatemala City's trash. I learned that over 10 thousand people live off of that dump. I heard stories of families looking for food to eat in the trash dump. I saw dogs and vultures looking for food in the same way. (for more info visit www.PottersHouse.org.GT)

Then I was taken to a ritzy mall (located only 5 mins away from the dump). I was given money to buy lunch. I bought a foot-long sandwich at Subway. I ate half of it and was about to eat the second half when thoughts like these hit me:

1- "wow...I'm about to stuff myself, with a second half of a sub, while there are parents scavenging in a garbage dump to feed to their children just 5 minutes away."

2- "is it right for me to eat more than I need while people nearby are starving?"

3- "is it right for me to have luxuries at the same time that people don't have enough?"

I still don't know the answers to these questions. What do you think?

...Getting Ready (by Sarah)

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth (or very precious) in God's sight." 1 Peter 3

Last Tuesday before Bible study, I was sitting in our car at Elmer Park, getting my 'weekly chance to journal' while Ava napped in her carseat. When I came across this verse, I started to cry. I've heard it so many times in my life, but for whatever reason, it hit me in a fresh way. Perhaps it's because it's been such a transition for me to become a Mommy, and pretty much everytime I experience an adjustment in life, it brings me back to the same identity issues I've always dealt with. Where my 'adornment' comes from is one of my foundational identity issues. When I remembered that God loves a gentle and quiet spirit, that it's 'of great worth' or 'very precious' to Him, it touched something deep inside of me.

When I'm experiencing insecurities about my identity, I do tend to think my 'adorning' should come from something outward: my funny personality, my cute clothes, the skinniness (or not-so-skinniness) of my shape. They're all things I use to get people to like me, so that I'll know I'm ok in life. But God quietly reminded me that He values a gentle spirit. A quiet spirit.
And I know the difference between a gentle, quiet spirit, and a striving, insecure spirit. It just feels different. In how I act. In how I feel. In what I do. It feels like an 'inward adorning.' A beauty that's of great worth.

I realized that this reminder from God was easily applicable in the next part of my day. I spend a bunch of minutes in the morning getting ready: I get dressed, do my hair, eat...they're all things I do to get myself ready for my day. But I hardly ever get my spirit ready. However, I think God's heart for me, and God's heart for all women, is that we would take a few minutes before entering a situation and 'prep' our hearts before Him, so that we can rightly adorn ourselves.

So as I sat there, I reminded myself that I had two options before me. I could go into the Bible study room, ready to use the way that I am (my personality, my looks, etc) to my own advantage, in order to assuage my insecurities. Or I could go with the mindset that pretty much all women have insecurities and I have the opportunity to, with a quiet heart, put mine aside, and use the way that I am to add value to the women around me.

So I did it. It wasn't flashy. Probably no one noticed. But I used my strength and energy to make other women feel welcome, wanted, and valued. And I know that in God's sight, it was very precious.

...Clothing

Okay...so check out this logic and tell me what you think:

I haven't researched this or anything. I'm just developing a hunch.

So what's the deal with the clothing industry?

1. They put out a line of clothing.
2. They market their clothing. (making it seem like you'll be cool if you buy their stuff)
3. And then, as soon as you buy the clothing and feel a little bit cooler about yourself, 'THE STYLE CHANGES'.

Do styles change...or do business owners strategically change clothing styles to create a money making cycle wherein consumers:

1. buy new clothes to be 'in style,'
2. become unsatisfied with an outdated wardrobe at the turn of each season, and,
3. buy more new clothes to be 'in style' again.

...The Purpose of This Blog

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